I know that I am not a person who can speak legitimately about addiction for many people who have been addicted to heroine, cocaine, meth, and whatever vile thing people are willing to put in their bodies but I can speak about my own addiction. I have been forced recently to quit smoking. A hobby that I enjoy VERY MUCH however in order for me to get a surgery that I want my doctor has told me that I have to quit before I can have it. I tried to find a loophole. Maybe if I am on the patch they can do it. Nope, I was told that in order for me to do the surgery I would have to be nicotine free for a MINIMUM of 30 days before my surgery. Bummer indeed. It was at that point that I made a decision. I ripped the patch off my arm and decided to do it cold turkey. Mostly because in order for me to have the surgery in the timeframe I needed I would have to quit NOW. Now let me be clear that I have almost no will power and I have tried and failed at quitting SEVERAL times before. Honestly the only thing keeping me from picking up a cig now is my want of this surgery and my desperation to not start this process all over again. I'm also recognizing a lot of signs of being addicted. I have been trying to legitimately rationalize not having this surgery just so I can keep smoking. It almost works too until I remember that I'm not going to be insured for very much longer. Then I start thinking of other thing to do. For a moment I thought it would be fun to get drunk on my lunch break. Now I'm seeing that my mind is searching for something else to fill this little void. I've been spending way more than usual on food and stuff and just trying to find something to calm my nicotine addled mind. I'm also really surprised at how successful I have been. I think the one thing I'm holding onto is the fact that I have no intention of quitting forever. Just for now. I actually have a date set out where I will allow myself to smoke again. Friday July 2nd. If I can make it until then I can smoke as much as I want. Just not until then. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Addiction According to Me
I know that I am not a person who can speak legitimately about addiction for many people who have been addicted to heroine, cocaine, meth, and whatever vile thing people are willing to put in their bodies but I can speak about my own addiction. I have been forced recently to quit smoking. A hobby that I enjoy VERY MUCH however in order for me to get a surgery that I want my doctor has told me that I have to quit before I can have it. I tried to find a loophole. Maybe if I am on the patch they can do it. Nope, I was told that in order for me to do the surgery I would have to be nicotine free for a MINIMUM of 30 days before my surgery. Bummer indeed. It was at that point that I made a decision. I ripped the patch off my arm and decided to do it cold turkey. Mostly because in order for me to have the surgery in the timeframe I needed I would have to quit NOW. Now let me be clear that I have almost no will power and I have tried and failed at quitting SEVERAL times before. Honestly the only thing keeping me from picking up a cig now is my want of this surgery and my desperation to not start this process all over again. I'm also recognizing a lot of signs of being addicted. I have been trying to legitimately rationalize not having this surgery just so I can keep smoking. It almost works too until I remember that I'm not going to be insured for very much longer. Then I start thinking of other thing to do. For a moment I thought it would be fun to get drunk on my lunch break. Now I'm seeing that my mind is searching for something else to fill this little void. I've been spending way more than usual on food and stuff and just trying to find something to calm my nicotine addled mind. I'm also really surprised at how successful I have been. I think the one thing I'm holding onto is the fact that I have no intention of quitting forever. Just for now. I actually have a date set out where I will allow myself to smoke again. Friday July 2nd. If I can make it until then I can smoke as much as I want. Just not until then. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
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