Blarg

Haiku Review

Peice of shit movie
Everything I hate in film
Maybe you'll like it?

I really really really hated this movie. I don't like movies that base their comedy solely on the embarrassment and humiliation of the characters and that is all this movie does. However I did find Puff Daddy to be FREAKING HILARIOUS! I was ready to walk out of that movie after the first five minutes but I wasn't able to because I was seeing it with a friend who was enjoying the film immensely. My one saving grace was that P Diddy was awesome in it, a comedic gem. Now I will say that just because I hated this movie so much doesn't mean I discourage anyone else from seeing it. It just wasn't a humor that I could relate to but anyone else could find that movie to be hilarious.

Dumb Laughs

I recently found a website called Not Always Right, a website dedicated to the inanities of working retail or any job where you deal with customers. I highly recommend it.

Boys Are Dumb

So a few weeks ago a few weeks ago a friend of mine randomly invited me to Scarborough Fair, which you are aware of because that is the last thing that I updated about. Now I use the term friend loosely, we’ve known each other for years but never really hung out outside of bars or music shows. But he wanted someone to go with and I wanted to go, win-win. Then he asks if I would like to go to a movie with him. We go and see Get Him to the Greek. A movie I hated thoroughly. But you know whatever we had fun. The next day he sends me a message saying “After two dates when are we getting married?” Now I know he’s fucking with me but I’m not sure to what end. The only safe reply I can think of is “lol, well I still want to see the Karate Kid” (note, I really do want to see it, it looks cute) to which he never replies. Then a couple days later I decided to ask him if he ended up buying that Edward Cullen cardboard cut out he was going to get for his mom, here is the conversation:
Me: Did you get Edward for your mom?
Him: I have not. When are we eloping?
Me: Maybe next week. You should get it for her and video her reaction. Like 2 girls 1 cup but with a gay vampire
Him: I totally should. How about the end of July?
Me: (giving up the distractions) Too hot. I’d rather have a fall wedding
Him: The summer in Texas is not very nice.
Me: lol no, unless you want to do it in a pool. We could get creative with pool noodle bouquets.

Now once again I know he is fucking with me. But I’m confused… Are we dating? Is that what this is. Not to say that I am apposed to dating, I think it would be great. I just need to know; am I just spending time with a friend, or am I dating a potential boyfriend? Either way is fine with me. I just need to figure out which. The not knowing is driving me NUTS!!!

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Dumb Laughs AND Haiku Review

Put on silly dress
Take a step into the past
enjoy the kings nuts!

I was invited to attend Scarborough Fair this weekend by my friend Kareem. The invitation was unexpected but welcome and we ended up going on Saturday. One of my favorite parts was just watching everyone else who was in costume. It was so beautiful and inspiring to see all of the effort that people put into their costumes for this event. While at Scarborough you need to see the shows. I went to see 3 shows while I was there, The German Brothers, Don Juan and Miguel and, The Flaming Idiots or.. An idiot, but we'll get to that. The entire experience was great, walking around and enjoying the sights and smells.
The first show I caught was Don Juan and Miguel. It's a really adorable little show with lots of gay innuendo and stereotype. I personally love stereotype humor depending on the subject. They make you feel included and there are a lot of laughs to be had, both adult humor and childish giggles that I love so much. It's is a really enjoyable show and you have a hard time wiping off the grin you have at the end.
The same could definitely be said about The Flaming Idiots whom I saw next. Sadly only one flaming idiot was available but he was great. My favorite thing that he did was a juggling act whilst standing on a very large mans shoulders. Lets keep in mind that this particular flaming idiot is a tiny man and so it wasn't to terribly difficult for him to stand on that guys shoulders or for him to be held up there. ANYWAY his show was a lot of fun and I enjoyed every second of it.
Last and least is the German brothers. My friend and I went to see them because they were walking around the fair making jokes and comments and he thought they looked like they'd be funny and so did I. Sadly though the show itself left a lot to be desired. They certainly had their moments but it wasn't that good and there were other things I would have rather been doing.
All in all though I had a very enjoyable experience and wish I could go again but sadly circumstance will not allow it.

Peoples Secrets

I spent all day yesterday reading through the archives of Post Secret. Just so you know, it is possible to go through the Post Secret archives if you use an RSS feed, it lets you go very far back. I couldn't help getting more and more depressed as I read through those secrets because a good number of them were my own, but it also made me feel very sad for the people who had to write them. I've realized how easy it is for me to lose my humanity or at least to forget others. I work in a call center and I've adopted the mindset that these are not people on the other line, but idiots who are wasting my time. I think that reading the post secret blog has helped me remember some of that humanity. I could be talking to any one of the people who sent in one of those secrets. These are humans with problems. Each person I talk to has a secret. I forget that and that makes me feel like a bad person. I'm going to try to remember that from now on, we'll see how it goes.

Sorry

I haven't posted in a few days and it is only because of how much stuff I have to write about. I have days of Haiku Reviews to write, many personal anecdotes and so much more to share with you and I can't wait to do so but... I have to clean my room first :\

oooh I has a twitter!!!

Ms. Lynn's Blog

aaaaaand if you would like to email me you can

mslynnsblog@gmail.com

one of these things doesn't look like the other...

I had been waiting for a friend of mine to send me some much needed photos but he never came through so I had to go a-hunting on facebook.

Haiku Reviews

Come by Wednesday

A place where your friends will be

Come and join the fun

I have been going to a bar called O'Rileys since I was 18 and it has always been a great place to be. I always say that this bar is my cheers. I know most of the pople that go there and the musicians are great. It is hosted my my good friend Allan Von who is a great musician and one of the kindest people I've ever met. I highly recommend that you go there if you like good booze, good friends and good music.

Dumb Laughs

I tried to post an example of the comic but it turned out to be a pain in the ass because most of the comics were way to long. At least the ones I loved were,so I'll just talk about it today. It's a great comic called the doghouse diaries and I am in love with it. You can thank digg for this discovery. I don't go to that website often but when I do I like to look at offbeat images. It's a great way to pass the time if you have an extremely short attention span... which I do. Also you can come across some really neat stuff that way. One of the things that I love about this comic is the truth in it. It reminds me of xkcd in that way. Another thing that is cool is they have a pretty long archive which can equal many days of childish giggles :)

Self Esteem Nose Dive

I am really depressed lately because I gained 10lbs since I quit smoking. I am really happy that I have been able to go so long without a cigarette but I hate that I've gained weight. I already have a bit of a weight problem and i don't need this added to it. I honestly don't have low self esteem, I've always had an unrealistic idea of what I look like and it was flattering. Ever since I stopped smoking however I have been made much more aware of myself image and it doesn’t look good. Don’t worry I’m not going to go all emo on you, but I will say that I am inspired to better myself. We’ll see how this goes.

the end is near

I feel a little sad because my quest is nearly at its end. I only have 5 or 6 movies left before I've finished and I will have completed every Kiefer movie... EVER and it makes me a little sad... oh well onto today’s...

Haiku Review

made to say goodbye
A crucial need for closure
Love is found and lost

Behind the Red Door starring Kiefer Sutherland and Kyra Sedgwick is a story about a woman photographer who desperately avoids her past. One day her friend/manager tricks her into a job where she ends up working for her brother. At first she wants to leave but he ends up guilting/bullying her to stay longer one day at a time after he tells her that he's dying from aids. He finally tells her that he wants her to stay until he dies but she is reluctant. She ends up staying and she is forced to deal with personal demons that she has been running from for quite some time. I was really excited to see this movie because it was the character driven work that Kiefer loves to do and I thought he did an excellent job. I really liked the movie and it really effected me. But I HATED Kyra Sedwick in this movie. It felt like nothing she did was natural.

Smart Laughs

I renamed this segment Smart Laughs because this is one of the more intelligent comics I've come across. This is from a comic called XKCD , one of the best comics on the web in my opinion. The range of humor is incredible and the art while appearing to be simple can be quite complex. Sometimes the humor is a little smart for me but for the most part it's easy to get. I especially love that there is almost a bonus punch line with each comic because he adds a subtext to each comic. If you just roll your mouse over you get that extra coment or joke that is associated with the comic rather than just the name of the picture.

Where never is heard a discouraging word...

Or encouraging for that matter. I've been trying to spread the word of my blog but no one seems to be biting. I'm not asking people to love my blog... just read it and tell me how much you love or hate it. Just let me know you're reading it and if it does suck I can try to make changes and improve it rather than being left in the dark and just not knowing what is going on. I think I have a pretty decent layout though and I feel that this can be something that people can enjoy. I’m getting better at HTML so if you haven’t noticed my blogs are a lot cleaner and that makes me happy.

An update to yesterdays debacle, I am still swollen, turns out I am allergic to aspirin. I’ve never been allergic to aspirin in my life and now all of a sudden I am? I have heard that some people can develop allergies much later in life but something is fishy.

Anything worth doing, is worth doing to death

Haiku Review

Today’s Haiku Review is brought to you by Dead Heat

Pleasantly surprised
I think I'll buy this one
Pretty funny too

I really enjoyed watching this movie. It surpassed all of my expectations mostly because they were all low. Every review I would come across would say how bad this movie was. I thought it was really cute and funny. I would recommend it to anyone.

Dumb Laughs

*gigglesnort* I got a really good laugh out of this thanks to failbook a great site dedicated to idiots on the interwebs. As we all know I am obsessive so I spent 3 days just reading these posts. Time well spend I say ;).

Heartburn, Bloating, Jedi Needs Not These Things.

I found out today that I am allergic to Alka-Seltzer After 3 days of heartburn and having a lump in my chest I finally caved and bought alka-seltzer this morning. I had high hopes that it would cure what ailed me because I have never heard anything bad about it and was positive it would work. it ended up tasting awful but I had expected that. What I didn't expect was that my lips would start swelling to a very large size.

I didn't know what to do! I ended up calling my sister who told me to just take a Benadryl and see what happens. I figured that was the best way to go because I don't have very much sick time left and I need what I have for a surgery I intend to have. That is the only thing that kept me from freaking out because I am a very high anxiety person. I didn't realize it before but I've noticed that EVERYTHING makes me nervous! Well the good news is that the crisis has passed (obviously) I did not asphyxiate on my own tongue and I am still at work and didn't have to use any of my sick time. But I still have F**KING HEART BURN!!!!!

I am self centered, I used the word "I" 13 times!!!!

Epiphany

Fun stuff out of the way first, we begin as usual with the Haiku Review.

To End All Wars is a film staring Kiefer Sutherland and Robert Carlyle. We all probably know Mr. Carlyle from the very excellent film, Trainspotting where he plays Begby the dangerous lush.

What is Just?
Can we ever know?
This Film Tries

It is a very enjoyable movie that makes you think. It almost forces you to consider all sides of the situation. You begin feeling for the prisoners but then you can't help but develop a certain empathy with the Japanese soldiers. I encourage anyone to watch this movie because even if you don't like war movies, this is a film that can inspire.

Dumb Laughs

Todays dumb laugh is non-existent, so I'll begin with a website that I just love. It's called desktop tower defense. You can access it by going here. They have a few different levels of play that basically shows the evolution of style and gameplay.

I have found this game to be so addictive that I would spend entire afternoons trying to kill all of the little bastards. It is a wonderful way to waste a few hours. You will also have fun figuring out different strategies and arrangements for the turrets.

This is not a Kefer fansite I PROMISE

I have been eating way to much lately. I have done nothing but eat and watch 24 this weekend. Finally finished the 7th season. Which I was able to do thanks to Netflix. They had all seasons accept for the most recent available on instant watch. A great way to watch movies or tv shows. If you have a wii you can link that with your netflix account so you can watch everything on your TV. Now I just need to find a way to catch up with 8. I am really excited about this coming season and can't wait to see how it ends. But I am also really sad to know that it's so close to being over. I almost feel cheated that I didn't start watching it whenever everyone else did. Sitting at the edge of my seat each sunday. But then another part of me is so happy it ended up like this because now I don't have to sit through commercials and wait for the next episode. I don't want it to be over, but I can't wait to see what happens. If anyone is curious for an update on my quitting status, I am proud to announce that I remain cigarette free and I am finally starting to get over some of the physical addiction symptoms.

Thank you for the good wishes and thanks you to those who actually read my blog. See you tomorrow.

Hang on, let me find a pen...

In my job you never seem to be able to find a pen when you actually need one. In today's paperless society there's hardly ever need for one. When you don't need one they're everywhere, and when you do, there isn't want to be found for miles. That is pretty much how my creative process for my blog has become. I get great ideas while driving, on my lunch break, using the bathroom, but never in a place where I can actually write it down. Have no fear, i haven't encountered writers block just yet but I have learned a valuable lesson. ALWAYS keep a pen and paper handy otherwise my brilliance might as well be flushed down the toilet.

And now for todays

Haiku Review

Todays Haiku Review is brought to you by The Cowboy Way staring Woody Harrelson and Kiefer Sutherland

Catch it on TV
It's really cute and funny
But mostly boring

I really did enjoy this movie. I couldn't find it to rent though so I actually had to buy it on Amazon.com. Cost me a whopping $.01 the shipping however was $2.95. I thought the fact that the shipping cost 295% more than the item I purchased was pretty hilarious. I also think it's great how statistics can make numbers seem more extreme than they actually are.

Dumb Laughs


Today a friend posted that his daughter was being overly polite so it scared him into thinking that she had something wrong. Fortunately it turned out that she just had manners however it did inspire another friend of mine to post a link to
http://shitmykidsruined.tumblr.com/ a cute little page about all of the shit kids are capable of. After looking at that site I realize how thankful I am to remain an auntie :)

Can Someone Cringe to Death?

I hate watching movies that thrive on embarrassing situations. As a matter of fact i hate watching any embarrassing moments on screen. Whenever I come across an embarrassing scene on tv or in a movie I tend to walk away or skip ahead. I don't know why I'm like this but I cannot stand to watch it. It's like I feel everything that they feel and I can't handle it a lot of the times. I've missed a lot because of that and I know that I shouldn't take it seriously and that it is all fiction and that it's all for entertainment, but I'm such an empathetic douche that I can't help but feel for these imaginary people. Same happens to me when I watch thrillers. It's why I stopped watching Weeds. I couldn't keep watching it, I have enough of real stress in my life, I don't need the imaginary kind. My friend thinks it's hilarious that I watch 24 because if there was a definition of stressful tv 24 would be the picture example. She also thinks it's hilarious that I call them stressful but now she does too.

I'm not emo I swear

Part of the reason this entry is so long is because I have to make up for not posting yesterday. I want you to know that I NEVER run out of things to talk or blather on about but sometimes I just don’t have the motivation to put it on paper. Yesterday was a bad day; I will make it up to you by making this a good day.

Haiku Review.
I previously mentioned that I have made it my goal to watch every Kiefer movie ever made. I’m actually nearing my goal and now that I have this blog I think it only fitting that I start giving brief reviews of the movies or shows I see in the artistic Haiku form.



The most recent movie I saw was Beat staring Courtney Love , and Kiefer Sutherland about Joan Vollmer and William S. Burroughs .

Take a great story
Sprinkle it with a great cast
Make it suck; that’s talent

Hope you like!!!

I didn't hate the movie but it could have been so much better. I’ll try to make a haiku entry for everything new that I see or hear in the entertainment would. It’s a neat way for me to put in my 2 cents without having to invest my entire blog to reviews of some kind. I also need to start a point system. For now, we’ll say 3 stars, but I’m going to make it more scientific.


Dumb laughs

I’d like to think I have an intelligent sense of humor, but that’s stupid because I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. That being said I am going to introduce you to a few web sites that give me dumb laughs

fmylife.com : a great website where people submit the most embarrassing and effed up situations of their day/lives and you get to laugh at their misery

overheardinnewyork.com : a great website dedicated to the weird shit those Crazy Yankees say on a daily basis. The website also contains links to overheardonthebeach.com, and overheardintheoffice.com which are equally hilarious.

“Guy: So I was talking to this hot girl the other day, but then she told me she liked Bush.

Girl: Oh...she's a lesbian?

Guy: No! Bush!

Girl: Oh, the band.

Guy: No, Bush! She's a Republican!

Girl: Wait. What?!”
Oh "Bush" Puns, We'll Miss You Most Of All.

I have found that the blog is funnier if you read the heading after you read the quote. It’s like a bonus punch line. I moved the heading of this one to the bottom to illustrate what I mean. The same can be said for the overheard by sections. Some of the submitters are pretty clever. It’s like the use the same system of creating names as advice columnists. These are just a few of the dumb things that make me laugh and I’ll try to introduce something everyday that has given me a truly hearty laugh, not that lol bs, I mean… who do you know that says lol and actually laughs out loud?… no one that’s who.

Sexual Frustration

I feel a little cheated in life right now. I have so many great things going for me, namely my braces were taken off recently and I’ve quit smoking. Now the benefits of just these two things are great, but there is just one thing I cannot keep my mind off. I want, no I NEED some sex. Ever since I got my braces taken off I have just wanted to make out with SOMEONE and it has not happened and that makes me sad. I would have settled for that until I quit smoking. Ever since then my libido has been on a friggin RAMPAGE! I think this is just another tactic that my body is using to try to cope with the lack of nicotine. Something to keep me occupied, something that has the potential to be dangerous and addictive. Or it may have just been to long since the last time I got any. The last relationship I had couldn't even be construed as a real relationship. We were just friends with benefits, and that lasted a couple of years. I broke it off because i didn't want to just fuck anymore. I am beginning to miss the contact and affections that a relationship can offer. My hand against his cheak, rubbing his ears and hair, feeling his hand in mine, rubbing his fingers and he rubbing mine, the simple act of resting my head on his shoulder, or his in my lap, being able to kiss someone whenever i want, these are the things that I miss the most, more than sex, more than cigarettes.

I feel like a lit fuse...

I have just been going crazy today!!! I think I am having some sort of panic attack or something like that. I finally did calm down but for most of the day I have been freaking out for no reason that I can grasp. I certainly understand that this probably has everything to do with quitting smoking recently. I just hate feeling this way, I just want to explode but there is not outlet and I don't have enough sick time to go home from work. I really just have too much on my mind though. I have a trip at the end of this month, 2 birthday parties, a surgery next month, another birthday, the day I get laid off and my trip I'm planning at the end of next month. AND I have to get my unemployment benefits figured out and I feel like my head could explode any minute now. Oh, and I'm super pissed at Tony for screwing Jack over, but that's personal.

Despite it all though, I am really happy to have so much to do. It makes me feel useful or at least not useless. I guess I picked a perfect time to quit smoking because I have so much to occupy my mind with that I don't have time to remember that I want a cigarette.

It's my blog and I'll do what I want to.

Ok, I figured it out, Kiefer Sutherland is a SUCKER. I mean this is the most loving sense possible. If you look closely at the movies he's done you will realize that the poor guy has no real sense of reality. He doesn't know what makes a cliché a cliché. Think about it. He picks all these movies that have a good amount of potential but they are stinkers because of the director, the cast, or the abysmal writing. Coming to this conclusion has helped me comes to terms with all of the piles of shit that he has produced in his career. Now, I don't have high expectations when sitting to watch one of his movies, just the anticipation of hilariously eye rolling cliché’s. I feel like a weight has been lifted, I really do.

I have a bit of a dilemma. I'm trying to figure out just how honest I want to be in this little blog of mine. I know no one reads it yet, but I'm assuming that SOMEONE will eventually and I just want to know how honest I should really be. I do have a lot of different emotions and situations to share but I'm not sure how graphic I'm able or willing to go just because I'm not sure of what my target audience is going to be just yet. I really just want to be honest and express myself as much as possible. But I also don't want to alienate people. Also I don't want my family to trip over this blog one day and end up getting myself committed.

Addiction According to Me

I know that I am not a person who can speak legitimately about addiction for many people who have been addicted to heroine, cocaine, meth, and whatever vile thing people are willing to put in their bodies but I can speak about my own addiction. I have been forced recently to quit smoking. A hobby that I enjoy VERY MUCH however in order for me to get a surgery that I want my doctor has told me that I have to quit before I can have it. I tried to find a loophole. Maybe if I am on the patch they can do it. Nope, I was told that in order for me to do the surgery I would have to be nicotine free for a MINIMUM of 30 days before my surgery. Bummer indeed. It was at that point that I made a decision. I ripped the patch off my arm and decided to do it cold turkey. Mostly because in order for me to have the surgery in the timeframe I needed I would have to quit NOW. Now let me be clear that I have almost no will power and I have tried and failed at quitting SEVERAL times before. Honestly the only thing keeping me from picking up a cig now is my want of this surgery and my desperation to not start this process all over again. I'm also recognizing a lot of signs of being addicted. I have been trying to legitimately rationalize not having this surgery just so I can keep smoking. It almost works too until I remember that I'm not going to be insured for very much longer. Then I start thinking of other thing to do. For a moment I thought it would be fun to get drunk on my lunch break. Now I'm seeing that my mind is searching for something else to fill this little void. I've been spending way more than usual on food and stuff and just trying to find something to calm my nicotine addled mind. I'm also really surprised at how successful I have been. I think the one thing I'm holding onto is the fact that I have no intention of quitting forever. Just for now. I actually have a date set out where I will allow myself to smoke again. Friday July 2nd. If I can make it until then I can smoke as much as I want. Just not until then. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Heroine would be easier, at least then I could go to rehab

I have recently discovered the show 24. I know... what rock have I been living under and all that... Anywho, I have only had an impression from the many spoofs I've seen on TV regarding how he seemingly never needs to use the bathroom or eat. Since these jokes have been over done to the point that the poor horse can now be used as hamburger meat I'll spare you my personal reflection on his urination habits. I will however go into extreme detail on my new love of 24 and my irrational and irrevocable love of Kiefer Sutherland. One might call it my hobby of finding persons or topics to obsess over incessantly until I am either bored or there is nothing else for me to find on said item. I've taken on the task of watching all of the movies he's ever done. Now I have found his work to be quite interesting but a lot of the time I'm just wondering if he ever bothered to read the scripts before signing on to do the movie... But everyone knows he's done some stinkers, even Kiefer, so once again I say that I am going to move on to bigger and better things. Oh Kiefer how do I love thee, let me count the ways. It started off as a love of his acting, so smooth, so natural so good. Not only are you a good actor but you are also so sweet and polite in real life with a sense of humor. Mostly it's that voice of yours. Part of me imagines that voice saying dirty things (not meant for polite company) and I'm just in love all over again. Kiefer you join the ranks of Brendan Fraser, Batman, and hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, and you are by far my favorite.